BARNSTONEWORTH UTD

This (Ripping) yarn tells the tale of the final days of Barnstoneworth United of the Yorkshire Premier League in 1935.

Gordon Ottershaw (Michael Palin) spends his whole life surrounded by everything Barnstoneworth, and after every weekly heavy defeat, he comes home and smashes up the front room in disgust.

Team names get reeled out many times, and nos. 9, 10 & 11 are usually MacIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt. Davitt seems to have scored twice in virtually every match, with bullet headers ("he once scored with the back of 'is 'ead, from 28 yards").

At an emergency meeting the chairmen decide to sell the club to a scrap dealer, and so the following Saturday's cup match is to be B Utd's last. As the team only has about 4 players (and three pairs of shorts) left, Gordon goes off and rounds up the star team from the early 20's, to play the final match. Davitt is the star man, and scores the winner with a header. Gordon runs off home, announces the victory, and the whole family smash up the front room.